How not to forgive a person?
Hello. You have asked an interesting question. Only not entirely clear. What does it mean not to forgive? Hate him now to the grave? Such emotions will not bring you to good. If a person has offended you so much, then it seems to me that everything is clear. Just forget about this person and everything.
On the contrary, on the contrary, we must forgive everything and everyone, this is a wonderful quality in you, not everyone is given this, take care of him. I loved my husband and forgave him everything, my relatives and friends were surprised, I went to psycho-trainings, there the doctor told me I was not needed He forgave you, but I still forgave everything. We lived together for 37 years, he recently died, I regret that I still did not tell him much about my feelings, I forgave both drunkenness and betrayal, he was kind, open to communication, knew how to admit his mistakes, in recent years he did not drink and quit smoking, if I had not forgiven him, maybe his life would have ended differently.
You know, thank God that you have such a character. God teaches you to forgive and will reward you for forgiveness, but on the contrary, I cannot forgive much, but this life must be told from A to Z to understand the depth and cause of resentment - you do not need this.
When you get tired of forgiving something inside you will click and you yourself will understand that this is the limit of the possible.
Everything has its time and no need to rush it!
All the best!
Do not indulge in illusions, it is not you who "forgive him a lot" because it is good and kind ... it is you who allow your friend to violate your personal boundaries. And he will not respect and appreciate you for this, he will violate them again and again, disregard your interests and needs.
You do not need to "learn not to forgive", but to realize yourself, to realize your interests, needs, to find personal boundaries and keep them under control. Don't let them be violated. Declare your feelings, desires, if they do not listen to them - leave. The main marker is your feelings (like / dislike), and for this you need to listen to yourself, be internally aware, and not go entirely into another person and not notice yourself in a relationship. Something like this.
You may have confused the two. The first is when a person is simply generous and knows how to forgive a lot. And the second - when a person allows himself to sit on his neck, sacrificing himself to a person wiping his feet on him. If you separate these two things for yourself, you yourself will draw the correct conclusions.
Learn to LOVE YOURSELF! You feel like a victim, and they do it to you.
Forgiveness is a conscious desire or urge. You can't say to yourself - Well, goodbye to him (her), otherwise ...
Nobody bothers you to forgive and reduce communication with the abuser to nothing. Forgiven and forgotten, as they say. And let the forgiven live his life. Only sometimes, after forgiving all offenses, can the relationship be resumed, but this is often very difficult. Pride does not allow, as they say.
So, talk to your heart. Is it ready to forgive sincerely, without pretense. If yes, goodbye, if there is no such urge, then do not force yourself.
I wish you good people around whom you could love and forgive without any conventions.
Do you forgive or allow the people you love to behave the way they want? Without considering your interests and needs? You can forgive such behavior, but at the same time make an effort to prevent this from happening again. You must make the effort if you want to be treated well. If a person acted ugly (well, he was late, did not help) - of course, forgive him, but demonstrate that this is unpleasant for you and try to ensure that he still helps and is no longer late. In the meantime, you cover up your inability to behave in such a way that you are treated with respect with the word Forgiveness. This is not forgiveness in your performance, but avoiding problems. It is very easy to spoil a person, but it is more difficult to educate a person, and in education (even adults), not only a carrot is needed, but also a decent stick.